You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
