i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize