I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
