if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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