put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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