Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
