i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize