i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
