Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
