I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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