Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize