its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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