you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
