You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
