OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
