my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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