O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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