Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
