I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
