New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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