Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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