Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
