I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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