I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
