i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
