Your dad touched me again.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
