But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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