maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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