Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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