Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
