I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
