also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
