i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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