apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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