How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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