He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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