I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
