there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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