Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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