You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
