oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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