The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
