I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
50% drunk capacity currently
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
