i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
