You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you never un-have a 4some
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
