ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
