I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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