i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
