so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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