hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
