Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
