youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
