Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
