i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
