I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
