you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
