I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
