Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
this is an emotional support booty call
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The air taste purple.
Randomize