reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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