I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
