I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize