I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
