Plan B is the new Plan A
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
